BREAKING THE CHAINS OF SHAME

SERMON STARTER

Toxic shaming is the most lethal of all the gifts given by extremely dysfunctional families.  Healthy shame keeps us from doing unhealthy things.  Healthy shame is, “My fly’s open. I’m in public. My face is red.”  Healthy shame keeps our clothing on when we are in public places.

Unhealthy shame is an inner message we give ourselves that we are worthless. We should never have been born.  Toxic shaming is worse than low self-esteem.  It is the murder of self.  Toxic shame is the primary source of much unhappiness and misery in dysfunctional marriages and families.  Unfortunately, parents and sometimes teachers are the primary “toxic shamers.”  Toxic shame messages are frequently given in our school settings where the children tease and name call one another without mercy.

The unhealthy shame messages are abundant throughout our culture.  What about the dad who yells at his son, “Get off your lazy a____ and DO something!”  “Lazy” is a shame word in some family systems.  Or, what about the father who is uptight at the boat launch as the family gets the boat out of the water? He slaps his own forehead loud enough for me to hear forty feet away.  He exclaims to his son who isn’t understanding his message, “Cheeesh!  What a DUMMY!” 

When we are young we are shamed by parental and caregiving persons in our lives. Their messages are clear. “You should be ashamed of yourself.”  “I’m ashamed you’re my daughter/son.”  “You’re pretty worthless, aren’t you?”We learn to shame ourselves through this painful family pathology.  What is learned in childhood can be unlearned in our adult years with conscious effort.

 The process of unlearning the unhealthy pedagogy of childhood is called, “repentance” in the church.  We must release the false and shaming messages of childhood and see ourselves from a Biblical perspective.  Jesus died on the cross to break the power of toxic shaming over our lives. It’s time to

 

 

BREAKING THE CHAINS OF SHAME, Intro, cont.

 

accept Him and His ultimate sacrifice for our sins.  Only through Jesus can we become free from shame messages and words of darkness to experience Christ’s abundant life.

Pastor Phil  <><<

 

 

 

BREAKING THE CHAINS OF SHAME

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

March 26, 2017 - Sheepfold Ministries

Pastor Phil Roland

 

BREAKING THE CHAINS OF SHAME

ROMANS 10:8-17 - GENESIS 3:8-10

 

"There are many types of unhealthy shame that keep us isolated from one another. Finding and accepting Jesus as Savior breaks every chain of shame that binds us. He sets us free.                                   Pastor Phil  <><<.

 

⁸ Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. ⁹ But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?" ¹⁰ He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."               Genesis 3:8-10 (NIV)

 

³⁶ So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.   John 8:36

 

TOXIC SHAMING WORDS:

Lazy; Worthless; Crazy; Idiot; Dummy; Pig; Slut; Disgrace; No Good

 

TOXIC SHAME PHRASES:

I'm ashamed of you! - You disgust me! - You're worthless! -

You're a Disgrace! - You can't do anything right! - Are you deaf?

 

FOUR TRAITS OF UNHEALTHY SHAME

I.  BREAKING THE SHAME-BASED TRAIT OF MISTRUST

¹⁰ He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."
          A. Trust is the First Developmental Lesson of Infancy

                    1. Adam disobeyed God and immediately became Afraid

                    2. He was naked / uncovered before the Lord

                    3. God used animal blood to cover Adam's shame

          B. Mistrust always results from disobedience

                    1. Adam was afraid before God

                    2. He mistrusted God's punishment, the result of his sin

                    3. Adam mistrusted himself - He broke trust with his own heart

                    4. Adam mistrusted Eve who gave him the forbidden fruit

          C. Unhealthy Toxic Shame results from being without God

                    1. Inner feelings of worthlessness

                    2. Called, "The Murder of Self"

                    3. Parental Caretakers become Godlike, shame and reject us

                    4. Fear of being judged by  others - What will THEY say?

          D. Results of Toxic Shaming

                    1. Unreasoning Fear of People - Chip on shoulder

                    2. Learn NOT to trust others

                    3. Especially parents or older siblings

Breaking the Chains of Shame, cont. p.2

 

                    4. Broken Promises - Over-Promising

                    5. Past Experiences of Betrayal - Stab in the Back

          E. Multiple Fears

                    1. Fear of Humiliation by Others

                    2. Fear of Intimacy

                    3. Fear of Rejection - Fear of Exposure

          F. Reoccurring Dream: I'm in the Pulpit, but partially naked,

                    missing shoes, Suit Jacket, Tie, No Bible, Sermon Notes

                    1. WE need people to Heal

                    2. We need God to Heal

                   

BREAKING THE SHAME-BASED TRAIT OF

II. NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION

⁸ But what does it say? "The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart" (that is, the word of faith which we preach):
          A. Family Violence teaches us NOT to speak

                    1. No-Talk Rule - Children are to be seen and not heard

                    2. Our ability to Talk separates us from Animals

                    3. Shut Up! Are the first words often learned by infants

                    4. Offspring are embarrassed by parent's substance abuse

          B. Hiding Family Skeletons - Keeping them locked, closeted

                    1. Fear of Self-Disclosure

                    2. Silence - Invisibility

                    3. One lady told me proudly, "We don't talk"

                    4. Today's Societal Plastic Masks

                    5. Email - Texting - Social Media

          C. The first thing Jesus Teaches us is to Speak - Verse 9

                    ⁹ that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your                        heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
                    1. Confess w/ your mouth that Jesus is Lord

                    2. Confess w/ your mouth He died for our sins, was buried,                               and rose on 3rd day - 1 Corinthians 15:4

                                           ⁴ and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day                              according to the Scriptures,

                   

BREAKING THE SHAME-BASED TRAIT OF

III. DENYING EMOTION - Romans 10:10-11

¹⁰ For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. ¹¹ For the Scripture says, "Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame."
          A. Tear Quenching Behaviors - "Don't cry!"   "Don't cry!"

                    1. Stuffing Feelings - Seen as weakness, loss of control

                    2. Covering inner sensitive emotion with hostility and rage

          B. Unresolved Grief, layer after layer of congested emotion

                    1. Substance abuse becomes anesthesia, numbing feelings

Breaking the Chains of Shame, cont. p.3

 

                    2. Masks an Inner broken-heartedness

                    3. You cannot heal what isn't Real

                    4. You cannot heal what you cannot Feel

                   

BREAKING THE SHAME-BASED TRAIT OF

IV. APPROVAL SEEKING - Ephesians 1:6

⁶ to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He has made us accepted in the Beloved.

          A. Shame-Based people are Obsessed w/the Approval of Others

                    1. People Pleasers - Do anything to gain acceptance of others

                    2. Strong need for Acceptance

          B. Missing Internal Sense of Identity

                    1. Identity OUTSIDE themselves

                    2. Be where your own shoes are. . .

                    3. Learn to live in your own skin

                    4. Cease interpreting rejection

          C. External Self-Esteem - 1 John 3:1

             ¹ Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we

              should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us,

              because it did not know Him.

                    1. Unhealthy need for the approval of others

                    2. Seeing yourself temporarily thru their eyes

                    3. Grants artificial feelings of self-worth

                    4. Need: Self-In Christ-Esteem

                    5. See yourself as He sees you

 

BREAKING THE CHAINS OF SHAME

BREAKING THE CHAINS OF SHAME

Romans 10:8-17
⁸ But what does it say? "The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart" (that is, the word of faith which we preach):
⁹ that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
¹⁰ For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
¹¹ For the Scripture says, "Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame."
¹² For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him.
¹³ For "whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved."
¹⁴ How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher?
¹⁵ And how shall they preach unless they are sent? As it is written: "How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the gospel of peace, Who bring glad tidings of good things!"
¹⁶ But they have not all obeyed the gospel. For Isaiah says, "Lord, who has believed our report?"
¹⁷ So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

THE CRUCIFIXION AS IT WAS

 

          The final humiliation of Jesus in His Crucifixion was that He was Crucified Naked.  The Roman intent was not just to humiliate Jesus, but the Jews who viewed the Crucifixion as well. Pilate admitted Jesus was an innocent man, and decided to punish the vindictive Jews as well on several levels.

1) The Romans were polytheists. They worshipped a pantheon of gods. They held contempt for Jews who were monotheists.

Any Roman citizen knew there was more than one god. They despised the Jewish and Christian belief in one God. The Jews had two requests. . .Don't recognize Jesus as the King of the Jews; and break the legs of the three on their Crosses, so they could worship at sundown without defilement.

2) The Romans knew that the distinctive trait of Jewish males was they were circumcised on the 8th day after birth. To expose His manhood without a loincloth was the Roman's final expression of contempt of Judaism and their monotheistic belief.

          The first Adam was naked and due to sin had to be clothed; the last Adam (Jesus)was clothed but to redeem was stripped naked. The first Adam brought death at the Tree of Life, the last Adam (Jesus) brought life at the Tree of Death.

          In this regard The Fathers of the Church loved to play with the concept of the naked Christ. In that regard I suggest, Jesus born naked in a cave provided by a man named Joseph and he was then wrapped in swaddling clothes. In his death he was stripped of his clothes and later covered by a shroud and placed in a cave provided by another man named Joseph.

          Jesus literally became shame for us through the suffering and humiliation of the Cross to cover our own nakedness and humiliation before God.

2 Corinthians 5:21 (NKJV)
²¹ For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

 

Pastor Phil  <><<

http://www.catholicconvert.com/blog/2016/03/25/was-jesus-naked-when-crucified/

 

 

 

In the days before digital photography we worried about exposing the negative of the photograph to light. There was a danger that light would blanch out the picture, ruin it altogether. Overexposed, the details of the photo were gone, the pic was whitened out, we had to throw it away. That's how people think. If they're over- exposed they'll be thrown away.

 

 

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQLlW_Bl4BA