THE BRUISE OF REJECTION
SERMON STARTER
The sting of it was like a slap in the face. I felt it mostly in my gut. Rejection is always painful, but this time it hurt more deeply because it came from a trusted friend. I had invested scores of hours of ministry time with them and thought they understood my heart. But the “slammed door” on the relationship literally “bloodied my nose.” I guess my heart will never understand why Christians feel at liberty to hurt one another in that way.
We who follow the example and teaching of Christ do not have the luxury of willfully and deliberately hurting one another. The paradox of Christianity is that Christ’s command is to deal with relational problems face to face. (See Luke 17:3) Christians that come from dysfunctional families and backgrounds, however, refuse to do the face to face confrontations. It is easier to cut someone up on the telephone where they are a safe distance.
This type of behavior is what I refer to as, “Relational Murder.” Rejection is, in a sense, killing off the other person in your heart. The commandment against killing is correctly rendered, “Thou shalt not murder.” It is a luxury those who follow Jesus cannot afford. This sermon explores rejection and what we can do about it.
Sheepfold Ministries, Pastor Phil Roland
February 25, 2007
THE BRUISE OF REJECTION
Various Texts
"REJECTION is the deepest bruise we can administer or receive, especially when it comes from one who is trusted, valued and esteemed." Pastor Phil Roland
"Who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not." Isaiah 53:1-3
When rejection occurs you are denied love, security, acceptance, affirmation, identity and recognition.
I. THE SOURCE OF REJECTION
A. The Parent-Child Relationship is a Source of Rejection
1. Pre-Natal
2. Adopted Children
3. Parents who cannot communicate love:
a. Those who suffered themselves from rejection
b. Those w/parent(s) were substance abusers
c. Those who substitute THINGS for LOVE
d. Those who put career, ambition, goals first
e. Those who were perfectionistic and hyper-critical
f. Those who project their own goals on the child
B. Peer Relationships Are a Source of Rejection
1. "Words of Darkness" - Cruel, thoughtless, cutting
2. Cliques and exclusion
3. Lack of achievement (under-achiever)
C. Society and Culture Are Twin Sources of Rejection
1. Failure to measure up to society's expectations
2. Failure to adopt society's values
D. The God-Man Relationship Can Be a Source of Rejection
1. Man is susceptible to rejection because of sin
2. The guilt of sin brings self-rejection
"Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves." Genesis 3:7
Fear Loneliness
Inferiority Exile
Guilt Anxiety
Frustration
3. Through guilt, we are more capable of receiving
rejection than love.
4. The child who has not received love and nurture
from his earthly father will have difficulty seeing
the Heavenly Father as loving and nurturing.
5. The child who receives continuous parental
rejection will feel rejected rather than loved by the
Heavenly Father.
6. How the child views God will determine the type of
relationship the child will have with God.
II. THE RESULTS OF REJECTION
A. Emotional Immaturity Results From Childhood Rejection
1. Each person entering marriage has a little girl or boy
inside of them.
2. A girl who has not received her father's love and
approval in childhood will seek that in marriage.
3. Love, acceptance, affirmation and approval are
necessary for a child's emotional growth.
B. A Love Vacuum results from Childhood Rejection
1. Results in broken, unsatisfying relationships
a. Prov. 30:23 - An unloved woman who is married
”For three things the earth is perturbed, Yes, for four it cannot
bear up: For a servant when he reigns, A fool when he is filled with food, A hateful woman when she is married, And a maidservant who succeeds her mistress.”
b. One result is SMOTHERING - (Draws life out of another)
c. Another result is WORSHIPPING - (Center of a person's life) - Over-Valuing Others
(This is People-Addiction / Codependency)
d. Another result is HATING - (Enslaving others/Self)
e. No person can fill this vacuum
2. Setting GOALS /Getting THINGS cannot fill the
vacuum
a. Possessions Symbolize Success
b. Vocation/Career are Substitutes for Acceptance
c. Intellectualism Replaces Emotional Wholeness
d. Extreme dedication to work or religion may be
indicators of an inner emptiness
3. The Love Vacuum Person may be totally self-centered
a. Live for Pleasure and Self-Gratification
b. Live for Sexual Lust and Perversion
c. In Religious Settings - A "Savior/Martyr Self-
Image
d. Self becomes an insatiable, cruel god
C. Loneliness and Fear May Result From Childhood Rejection
1. The person builds WALLS to protect from further pain
a. INWARD - Hardness of Heart, Insecurity,
Loneliness, Fear, Self-Pity, Vanity
b. OUTWARD - Withdrawn from Close
Relationships – (May become Hyper-Competitive)
2. The Person is dominated by the Fear of Rejection
D. Self-Rejection May Result From Childhood Rejection
1. Inability to Value Self - Others Determine Self-Worth
2. Negative Self-Image - Guilty of Comparing Self With
Others - See 2 Cor. 12:10
“Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in
persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak,
then I am strong.”
3. Criticism has Two Directions: Critical of Self and
Critical of Others - See Matt. 7:3
"And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not
consider the plank in your own eye?”
E. Loss of Self-Identity Can Result From Childhood Rejection
1. Rejection Destroys a Person's Identity
2. Adolescents Seek Identity Thru Peer Groups
3. Adults Will Seek Identity Thru Professions, Church,
Lodges, Fellowships
4. Our Identity is in Christ - See 2 Cor. 5:17
”Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things
have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”
F. Unstable Relationship With God Caused by Early Rejection
1. A Person Cannot Enter Into a Relationship With God
2. A Person Will Relate to God on the Basis of Works:
WHAT YOU DO becomes more important than
WHO YOU ARE!! (Become a "Human Doing")
a. "Busy-ness" is a Poor Substitute for Love
b. Rejection Undercuts or Cancels Faith
3. A strong Indicator of The Bruise of Rejection: The
Person's inability to Love or Receive Love From
God or Mankind
III. STEPS OUT OF REJECTION
A. FORGIVE (Release) Those Who Have Rejected You
1. Loose them - Matt. 18:18
2. Loose All Feelings of Rejection to Christ - See Isa. 53:3
“He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar
with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was
despised, and we esteemed him not.”
a. Jesus Bore All Rejection by Men
b. Jesus Bore Rejection by God
See Isaiah 53:4-6; and Jeremiah 30:17
“Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we
considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our
iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and
by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid
on him the iniquity of us all.”
“For I will restore health to you And heal you of your wounds,' says
the LORD, 'Because they called you an outcast saying: "This is
Zion; No one seeks her."'
B. Embrace that you are ACCEPTED IN THE BELOVED –
”. . .to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He has made us accepted in the Beloved.” Ephesians 1:6
C. Find Your Identity in Christ
1. Your Are His Image - II Cor. 3:18
"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are
being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory,
which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."
2. You Are His Workmanship - Eph. 2:10
"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do
good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
3. You Are God's New Creation - 2 Cor. 5:17
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old
has gone, the new has come!"
D. It's Time NOW To Accept Yourself
1. By FORGIVING YOURSELF of the past
2. By RECEIVING THE HEAVENLY FATHER'S LOVE
E. Go To Christ's Cross NOW
1. Claim Your Deliverance
2. Receiving Healing Within
REMEMBER:
The ministry of deliverance can cut away the roots of rejection.
The bondage and oppression must be broken as well as Satan's lies
Feel the sting of rejection? You’re in good company, so did Jesus
REMEMBER: With Jesus Christ there is NO REJECTION!
Pastor Phil Roland, Update, 2007
The Bruise of Rejection Text:
Isaiah 53:1-7
Who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.
He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.