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ANGER

FINDING CHRIST'S CONTROL

SELF ASSESSMENT

SPOUSE ASSESSMENT

SIX ANGER STYLES

TYPE H PERSONALITY

Downsizing Anger

Finding Christ's Control For Rage

Ephesians 4:26-32

"Four of Seven "Rageaholics" will die from cardiac problems before they reach fifty."                                                                             Guilda Carle

Gender Issues on Anger: Men stuff it and explode on others. Women stuff it and destroy themselves. Few express it in Christ-like ways.

 

Four Steps To Downsizing Anger:

I.   N A M E   I T

            A. Identify the emotion

                        1. "I'm feeling                      .

                        2. Select one: aggravated, annoyed, burned up, critical, disgusted, mean, sore, resentful,  enraged, envious, fed up, frustrated, furious, impatient, irritated, mad

            B. Anger is not sin, or Jesus was a sinner

                        1. Anger does cover fear

                        2. Fear is protected by anger

 

II.   F R A M E    I T -

            A. Detach for a moment

                        1. Become a 3rd person

                        2. Discover the fear

            B. Get a perspective about your anger

                        1. Its just another emotion

                        2. It is not necessary to act on emotions

 

III.  C L A I M    I T - I John 1:9

            A. Confess it out loud

                        1. Say it to yourself

                        2. Say it to at least one other person

            B. Confessing is not Obsessing

                        1. Don't rehearse injustices

                        2. Own how you feel

 

IV.  T A M E    I T -   

            A. Spend some time alone / "Mad Room"

                        1.Cool Down the Adrenal Response

                        2. Do some Self Talk

            B. Get "Self-In-Christ-Control" Gal. 5:23

                        1. He expresses emotion

                        2. He doesn't hold it in / Neither should we    

 

Courtesy of Sheepfold Ministries, Rev. Phil Roland, 724-981-5683

 

NATIONAL VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN

Survey of 1998

 

1.  52%    of    the    women    surveyed   reported   being   physically assaulted in childhood or adulthood.

 

2.  18%  of  the  women  surveyed reported attempted or   completed rape.

 

3.  54% of those sexually assaulted were under 17 years    of age.

 

4.  76%   of   the  women  surveyed who were physically assaulted  as  adults,  the  assailant was an intimate partner or date.

 

5.  93% of the above assailants were male.

 

6.  One in four women and one in twelve men have been victims of assault. 

 

 

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN TO CHRISTIANS?

       One in four women and one in twelve men sitting in our pews have been victims of assault.  Most likely, the assailants are sitting next to the victims in the pews.  Sometimes, assailants are extremely religious. 

        Take, for example, a Mr. Espinoza who was arrested for domestic assault.  He broke down the locked door to his wife’s bedroom, held her down and tried to force her sexually.  After his wife brought charges of domestic violence against him, Mr. Espinoza based his defense on the religious clause of the First Amendment to the Constitution.  He stated that in his religion he was taught that he could have sex with his wife whenever he pleased.  Fortunately, the judge didn’t buy his defense and he was convicted. 

       

 

When confronted about the cases of battery and assault on women, the church is strangely silent.  Yet, the Bible is filled with stories of sexual abuse and assault of women.   For example, look at Tamar and Amnon, children of King David in 2 Samuel 13.  Or, the sick story of Jeremiah 31:15; and Judges 11:30-39 of Jephthah’s fatal vow to the Lord to sacrifice his daughter in exchange for his victory over the Ammonites.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MANAGING ANGER

HOSTILITY

 

Unmanaged Anger Can Be a Cause of Distress and Depression

THIS IS A PRE-TEST TO DETERMINE WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT ANGER

 

PLEASE ANSWER EACH STATEMENT TRUE OR FALSE

 

1)  Anger equals energy or the ability to perform work.

2)  All anger is sin and therefore wrong.

3)  Silence is a good way to deal with anger.

4)  The primary emotion is fear, not anger.

5)  Anger can be constructive and good.

6)  Unexpressed anger is a barrier between me and others. It's normal and right for me to blow my top occasionally

7)  I'm not responsible for angry feelings, just for allowing them to occupy all my thought life.

9) Temper tantrums are healthy ways to express anger.

10) I must focus my anger on people, not on solving problems.

11) Negative attitudes are indirect ways of expressing unresolved anger.

12) My anger is wrong if I intentionally hurt others with it.

13) Feelings should control all my behavior.

14) Ultimately, I must be accountable to God and man for what I do with my emotions.  

15) Stress never killed anybody.  

16) Other people "make me" or "cause me" to have unfavorable emotions.

17) I can cause myself to be depressed by stuffing my anger and causing it to turn in on myself.

18) More women than men are depression-prone.

19) It is healthy to manage depression in the human body (soma).

20) Verbalizing anger is better than acting anger out.

 

Biblical Responses to Anger:

Joseph with his brothers: Genesis 50:19-20; David with Mephibosheth: 2 Samuel 9, 16, and 21:7; Jesus before His accusers: Matt. 27:11-14

 

Phil Roland, MA – 2010

 

 

ANGER ASSESSMENT
How Angry Am I?

 

Please answer “yes” if the statement generally describes your attitude or behavior.
Answer “no” if the statement generally does not describe your attitude or behavior.

1. Do I tend to make thoughtless and unfeeling remarks to others?
2. Do I tend to look down on or judge others on the basis of theirethnic, religious or racial backgrounds?
3. Do I harbor deep convictions about people who have a different religious, or political point- of-view than myself?
4. Do I get “up-tight” and unreasonable when someone is late for an appointment?
5. Do I get accused of being “bossy” or “unreasonable” with others?
6. Do I give others “suggestions” that are seen as more critical than helpful?
7. Do I have a “quick” temper, and “fly off the handle” easily?
8. Do I find myself challenging and arguing with people?
9. Do I “tell people off,” and “go off on people” when I’m threatened by them?
10. Do I have a “deep respect” for all human beings?
11. Do I have impatience with people who are frequently ill?
12. Do I get sarcastic when I am annoyed by or with others?
13. Do I feel contempt and impatience with others who are unable to make a living?
14. Do others see me as lenient and easy-going?
15. Do I tend to dominate people around me?
16. Do I insist on “having the last word” with people?
17. Do I overlook the mistakes of others easily?
18. Do I forgive others when they treat me with discourtesy?
19. Do I tend to be overly critical of some of my family members?
20. Do I sometimes make such blunt, critical remarks that I hurt the feelings of others?
21. Do I get accused of being “superior” and “overbearing” toward others?
22. Do I complain quickly when others inconvenience me or impose themselves upon me?
23. Do I insist that other people are “in it for all they can get?”
24. Do I feel my temper rising easily when someone treats me aggressively in traffic?
25. Do I raise my voice volume with others who do not understand what I am trying to say to them?
26. Am I impatient with animals and raise my voice and treat them roughly?

Answer Key:
1-9; 11-13; 15-16; 19-26 - “Yes”
10; 14; 17; 18 - “No”

Score yourself four points for each “correct” “yes’ answer,
and four points for each “correct” “no” answer.

80 to 100 Points - You have an extreme problem with rage and anger and probably need medication for clinical depression, incarceration for destructive behavior, or a rehab for advanced alcoholism.
30 to 79 Points - You must secure Anger Management counseling immediately, before your rage escalates into behavior that is destructive to self or others.
10 to 29 Points - You would benefit from some Stress Management counseling to help you “blow off some of the steam” that is building up inside of you.
1 to 9 Points - You are not a hostile person and are managing the stress in your life well.

Courtesy of Sheepfold Ministries, Sharon, PA - 724-981-5683
Philip Roland, MA, Pastoral Counselor / Therapist

 

ANGER ASSESSMENT
How Angry Is My Spouse?

Please answer “yes” if the statement generally describes your spouse’s attitude or behavior. Answer “no” if the statement generally does not describe your spouse’s attitude or behavior.

1. Does . . . tend to make thoughtless and unfeeling remarks to others?
2. Does . . . tend to look down on or judge others on the basis of their ethnic, religious or racial backgrounds?
3. Does . . . harbor deep convictions about people who have a different religious, or political point-of-view than themselves?
4. Does . . . get “up-tight” and unreasonable when someone is late for an appointment?
5. Does . . . get accused of being “bossy” or “unreasonable” with others?
6. Does . . . give others “suggestions” that are seen as more critical than helpful?
7. Does . . . have a “quick” temper, and “fly off the handle” easily?
8. Does. . . challenge and argue with people?
9. Does . . . “tell people off,” and “go off on people” when threatened by them?
10. Does . . . have a “deep respect” for all human beings?
11. Does . . . have impatience with people who are frequently ill?
12. Does . . . get sarcastic when annoyed with others?
13. Does . . . feel contempt and impatience with others who are unable to make a living?
14. Does . . . act lenient and easy-going?
15. Does . . . tend to dominate people around them?
16. Does . . . insist on “having the last word” with people?
17. Does . . . overlook the mistakes of others easily?
18. Does . . . forgive others when treated with discourtesy?
19. Does . . . tend to be overly critical of family members?
20. Does . . .sometimes make such blunt, critical remarks that the feelings of others are hurt?
21. Does . . . get accused of being “superior” and “overbearing” toward others?
22. Does . . . complain quickly when others inconvenience them or impose themselves upon them?
23. Does . . . insist that other people are “in it for all they can get?”
24. Does . . . have a temper that rises easily when someone treats them aggressively in traffic?
25. Does . . .raise their voice volume with others who do not understand what they am trying to say?
26. Does . . . have impatience with animals and raise their voice and treat them roughly?

Answer Key

1-9; 11-13; 15-16; 19-26 - “Yes”
10; 14; 17; 18 - “No”

Score four points for each “correct” “yes’ answer,
and four points for each “correct” “no” answer.

80 to 100 Points - The person you have scored this assessment for has an extreme problem with rage and anger and probably needs medication for clinical depression, incarceration for destructive behavior, or a rehab for advanced alcoholism.
40 to 79 Points - The person you have scored this assessment for must secure Anger Management counseling immediately, before their rage escalates into behavior that is destructive to self or others.
10 to 39 Points - The person you have scored this assessment for would benefit from some Stress Management counseling to help “blow off some of the steam” that is building up inside of them.
1 to 9 Points - The person you have scored this assessment for is not a hostile person and is managing the stress in his/her life well.

Courtesy of Sheepfold Ministries, Sharon, PA - 724-981-5683
Philip Roland, MA, Pastoral Counselor / Therapist

SIX ANGER STYLES

STUFFERS - Stuffers are conflict avoiders. (Clams) They are good at denying and burying their anger. Their motto is “peace at any price.” Stuffers often have lots of tension under the surface. Their underlying problem is never addressed, and therefore can’t be solved. People who are good at stuffing their anger may become depressed. They may become physically sick with migraines, stomachaches, and all sorts of “conversion disorders.” Stuffers rarely learn conflict resolution and problem-solving.

WITHDRAWERS - Withdrawers express their anger through “passive- aggressive” means. (Hermit Crabs) That is, withdrawers are champs at expressing their anger indirectly. An angry husband may go days without talking to their wives. An angry wife may burn the nightly dinner, or neglect laundry chores, or leave the house cluttered to indirectly express their displeasure with their husbands. Needless to say, their bedrooms are cold and places of unrest. Withdrawers suffer continuously from their passive-aggressive behavioral consequences. Withdrawers miss out on the power of allowing their anger to work for them. The underlying problem never gets solved.

BLAMERS - Blamers express their anger at others by shoving their consequences onto others. (Judges) Blamers may name-call, shout, or put down others. Blamers are good at dumping their anger on those around them. They blame their parents, their teachers, their bosses, their co-workers, or their work situations. Blamers learn their lessons well from their parents and role-models. They consequently have low self-esteem, because they believe the negative affirmations that are told to them. Blamers are also seldom able to take responsibility for their own behavior.

TRIANGLERS - Trianglers express their anger in devious and manipulative ways. (Politicians) Instead of confronting people they are angry with directly (Luke 17:3), they pull others into their conflicts. They may attempt to get others to be angry about a perceived injustice done to them. There is a lot of below the surface tension in families where there are trianglers. Everybody in the family systems that harbor trianglers feel that something is wrong, but they don’t know what it is.

EXPLODERS - Exploders (Batterers) use violence to express anger. (Volcanoes) This may range from pushing, shoving, slapping, kicking, hitting, punching, choking, using a weapon, or even killing the other person. These are all harmful behaviors. Exploders often grow up in a violent family and inwardly are scared that they or someone else is going to get hurt.
Exploders, as children, often attempt to intervene to rescue one parent or the other. Sometimes exploders get injured as children as well as the adults. Children who are raised in violent households worry about divorce, or that the exploder parent will hurt someone fatally and be sent to jail. Children raised in violent families never know what to expect. They become hypervigilant . . . constantly scanning the mood of the violent parent. Violent parents will often ignore their children or transfer their rage onto them. The oldest son or daughter often get the misplaced load of anger of the violent parent. The co-abuser will often watch as the violent parent beats the oldest child. It’s not uncommon for children raised in violent families or household to feel ashamed of their families. They will sometimes feel something is wrong with them.

PROBLEM SOLVERS - Problem solvers will admit they are angry and then look at why they are angry. They put thinking ahead of emotion in an attempt to see if there is a problem they can solve. They correctly channel or focus their anger on finding constructive solutions to life’s problems. For problem solvers, anger becomes a tool to help them solve their conflicts.

Schmidt, T. (1993) Anger Management and Violence Prevention, Johnson Institute - Based upon H.G. Lehmer (1985). Adapted by Phil Roland, 2001.

Learning To Live Without Violence
Sheepfold Ministries
Sharon, PA
724-981-5683

 

Are You Type-H?

 

Type-H personalities are persons struggling with chronic covert hostility and fear.  These are persons who are controlling, cynical, distrustful, angry, and most likely to act on these feelings.  Cardiac experts agree that Type-H persons are most likely to develop heart disease.   Ask yourself the following questions to find out if you're at risk.

 

1.  If an elevator you're waiting for stops too long on another floor, do you quickly become annoyed?

 

2.  Have you ever been so angry that you hit or shoved someone?

 

3.  Do you remember irritating incidents and get mad all over again?

 

4.  In line at the grocery store's "ten items only" check out, do you count to see if anyone ahead of you has more than ten?

 

5.  If your hairstylist trims off too much, do you fume for days?

 

6.  If the toll collector gives you the wrong change, do you assume he's trying to cheat you?

 

7.  Do little annoyances add up during the day and leave you frustrated?

 

8.  When someone cuts you off in traffic, do you flash your lights and honk your horn?

 

9.  Have you dropped close friends because they didn't live up to your expectations?

 

10. Are you often irritated by others' incompetence?

 

11. When your spouse cooks, do you watch to make sure nothing burns?

 

12. If someone doesn't show up on time, do you find yourself planning an angry speech?

 

Three or fewer "yes" answers: you're one cool customer.

Four to eight, normal range. 

Nine or more: your hostility level is high.

 

Courtesy of Sheepfold Ministries, Sharon, PA - 724-981-5683